The Burningsoul's World

My Tagline Collection since the past 1 year..

"I love work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours." A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. A procrastinator's work is never finished. A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station... According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist. All I ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work. All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done. All work and no play makes (YOUR NAME) a dull boy/girl. All work and no play means that I am making lots and lots of money. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1? Cinderella's life... without the evil step-family... or the fairy godmother... or the prince... or the glass slipper. so basically just cleaning. :-X Doing a job right the first time gets the job done. Doing the job wrong ten times gives you job security. Due to economic hardships, I must go to work. Even if you don't have the answer, you certainly have to admire the problem. Exhilaration is that feeling you get just after a great idea hits you, and just before you realize what is wrong with it. Hard work may not kill you, but why take chances? Hey I am working like a slave right now doing all of my silly chores. Hey I'm at work right now but if you want you can come visit me. I'm at the corner of Main St. and Church St. Hi ho, hi ho.. off to work I go. Hi-ho Hi-Ho, I need to make some dough, so off to work I go! Hopefully all this hard work will pay off one day. I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday 22% Tuesday 26% Wednesday 35% Thursday 4% Friday I am busy at the moment, but I wasn't when all your butts were sleepin! I am currently occupied, give me a couple minutes to get frustrated and then I'll get back to you. I am working, which is something that you should be doing. I can't be fired, slaves are sold. I don't care how bad I feel, when I go to work I make sure I give it my all! Never any less than 12%! I fell asleep while doing work. If your my boss that's code for I'm working so hard that my head hurts. I hate going to the bathroom right after the cleaning lady finishes cleaning the toilets. I always feel like I'm ruining her hard work. It just feels really disrespectful. I have this thing called a job... I keep thinking about quiting this job and going back to school, but then I remember how easy my job is. I love my job, it's the work I hate. I owe, I owe, so it's off to work I go. I should be working right now, don't add to my delinquency! I thought America was a free country if it is then why am I slaving away for my boss at work? I wasn't sleeping, I was testing the keyboard for drool resistence. I'm at that place that they call "work." I guess I'm supposed to be "working" while I'm here. I'm broke and it ain't no joke, so stop IM'ing me 'cause I trying to make some $$$! I'm doing a little thing called work. You should try it sometime. I'm out earning the dolla dolla bills ya'll so I can get myself some bling bling. I'm practicing my Jedi knight skills. ::Waves hand:: A message will do fine. I'm taking a break from procrastinating I'm working right now... but next time I decide to procrastinate, I'll get back to you. If a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind, what does a empty desk mean? If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday. Im out being a slave for my parents!! I will be back in a sec Knowledge is Power - Power Corrupts - Study Hard Me away me doing work, do not bother me or make a sound with a fork Me, asleep on the job? No, I'm just trying to pick up my contact lens without using any hands. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. Not available, working... At least that's what my boss thinks. Out doing battle with the rooted enemy People say hard work can't kill, but why take chances? Sittin' here getting nothing accomplished as usual... Snails can sleep for 3 years without eating. One day, I shall be a sweet, succulent escargo of quiescence...until then, I practice. Sorry I'm not here right now...I'm off slaving away my skills for the few bucks that I can earn. Sorry im in HELL (ie. work)! Sorry, but I am at an evil place where they are holding my paycheck hostage and I won't receive it unless I do what they tell me to do. Sorry, I'm doing chores, for all I know I could be there for hours, or maybe even days, and I might even die :'(! sry! Talent does what it can. Genius does what it must. I do what I get paid for. The boss is behind me, so don't IM me unless you have a compliment about me. The fools look upon the world and see only pleasure. The lost look upon the world and see only pain. The wise look upon the world and see their work cut out for them. The only reason I go to work is for the money. These people at work are giving me work! Can you believe this? To steal ideas from one person, would be plagiarism, to steal ideas from many is called research. We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much for so long that we are now qualified to do anything with nothing. We were all brought up to believe that we'd grow up to be movie-gods and rock stars. but we're not. and we're pissed. I'm working leave a message. Why do today what you can put off till tomorrow. Work fascinates me, I can look at it for hours! Work is so interesting. I could stare at it all day long. Work, A risk to my sanity. Work, it ain't easy, and it ain't fun, but it's a lot safer than holding up a liquor store. Working; the millions of people on welfare are depending on me. You caught me at a bad time, %n. Im currently envolved in an intelligence operation on enemy soil. I'll try to get back to you in a few weeks. You know how I told you my boss was a fire breather? Well, BYE BYEZ! I'm gone!      If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. Never buy a car you can't push. When everything's coming your way...............you're in the wrong lane. Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them? It could be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. Smile, and the world smiles with you. Laugh alone, and the world thinks ur an idiot. In a world of pollution, profanity, adolescence, zits, broccoli, racism, ozone depletion, Michael Schumacher, immature guys, and mood swings, why the hell do people still tell me to have a nice day? I wanted to kill the cutest girl on earth ... but, suicide is a crime. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. I don't have a big ego. I'm way too cool for that. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'? I see your IQ test results were negative. Regular naps prevent old age.....especially if you take them while driving. I have learned there is little difference in husbands, you might as well keep the first. I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately! How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. I earn a seven figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock. The road to success .......... is always under construction. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening. Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak. Everyone has a scheme of getting rich….. Which never works. If at first you don't succeed…. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.   You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side. If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late…… the bus is still late. If you have paper, you don't have a pen. If you have a pen, you don't have paper. If you have both, no one calls. If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight. The last person to be fired or quit is responsible for all the errors until another person is fired or quits. People like u r the reason why ppl like me need medication. I had a nightmare, i dreamt i was with u. Be yourself, there r enough other ppl. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. You dont have to drive me crazy. I'm close enough to walk.  The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.  Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.  When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Just bcoz i sit all day, all night, eat my food, do my work, and sleep here on my computer table, doesn't mean im addicted. A black cat crossing your path signifies ... that the animal is going somewhere. Of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind the most. Show me your best friend and I'll tell you who you are. I was born intelligent. Education ruined me. If its true that we r here 2 help others, then what exactly r the others here for? Since light travels faster than sound, ppl appear brighter until u hear them speak. One shud love animals. They r so tasty! Those who are clever, who have loads of brains, never understand anything. Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. "Your future depends on your dreams". So go to sleep. Hard work nvr killed anybody. But why take the risk? Work fascinates me. I can look at it for hours. Any similarity between ur concepts and mine is purely coincidental. If i throw a stick at u, will u leave? Be nice to the ones who smoke. Every cigarette might be their last. I am trying to imagine u with a personality. Dreams r like rainbows. Only idiots chase them. It takes 43 muscles to frown n 17 to smile, but it doesnt take any to just sit there with a dumb look on ur face. Never make someone ur priority while allowing them to make u their option. I love walking in the rain so no one can see my tears... To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart. If someone betrays you once, it's his fault. If he betrays you twice, it's your fault. Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them. Nobody is worth ur tears and the one who is will never make u cry! Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive. Life isnt passing me by. Its trying to run me over. Smile! Its easier than explaining why ur crying. Sometimes our visions clear only after our eyes are washed away with tears. I never changed. I just got tired of pretending i'm happy. Smile..!! Tomorrow will be worse. The difference between ''fiction'' and ''reality'' is that fiction has to make sense. To be successful, u need frndz. To be VERY successful, u need enemies. You cannot discover oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. There are many things that may catch your eye, but very few will catch your heart. Pursue those. In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins. Not through strength, but through persistence. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of god that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Life isn't supposed to be an all or nothing battle between misery and bliss. Life isn't supposed to be a battle at all. Well, sometimes life is just okay, sometimes it's comfortable, sometimes wonderful, sometimes boring, sometimes unpleasant. When your day's not perfect, it's not a failure or a terrible loss. It's just another day. Neither knowable, nor knower am I. Formless is my form, I dwell within the senses but they are not my home. Ever serenely balanced, I am neither free nor bound, Consciousness and joy am I, and Bliss is where I'm found. We make those who care for us cry. We cry for those who would never care for us. And we care for those who would never cry for us. Once one realises it... it's never too late to change. Never explain yourself to anyone. The person who likes you doesn't need it, and the person who dislikes you won't believe it. "Treat others the way you want to be treated". However, if that doesn't work ... treat others the way they treat you. The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you. It is when you fail to understand yourself. Don't live because you are born. You are born to live. You and only you are responsible for who you are, what you feel, what you get. Our consciousness of the world is perfect when our consciousness realizes all things as spiritually one, and therefore capable of giving us joy. For us the highest purpose of this world is not merely living in it, knowing it and making use of it, but realizing our own selves in it through expansion of sympathy; not alienating ourselves from it and dominating it, but comprehending and uniting it with ourselves in perfect union. No human being, even the most passionately loved and passionately loving, is ever in our posession. The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a glowing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvellous thing, it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is sort of a Divine accident. To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one most not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. Each time that one loves is the only time one has ever loved. Difference of object does not alter singleness of passion. It merely intensifies it. We can have but one great experience at best, and the secret of life is to reproduce that experience as often as possible. Never take someone for granted. Hold every person close to your heart, and always make them feel that they mean a lot to you, because you might wake up one day and realise that you've lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones. Hope, friends and love - they are needed, no matter who you are. Never blame a day in your life. Good days give you HAPPINESS and bad days give you EXPERIENCE. Both are essential in Life. Your absence should be long enough so that somebody misses you, but it should not be so long that somebody learns to live without you. We never get what we want, We never want what we get, We never have what we like, We never like what we have, Still we live, still we love, still we hope, This is life. Never be sad for missing whatever you expected. But be happy since god made you realise that those expectations were not of much worth in your life. A desire to be observed, considered, esteemed, praised, beloved, and admired by his fellows is one of the earliest as well as the keenest dispositions discovered in the heart of man. Beware the fury of a patient man. Everything comes gradually and at its appointed hour. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity. "Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say, find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is: there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived". Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content. It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised. The mosquito is swatted. Life must be understood backward. But it must be lived forward. Life, liberty and property do not exist because men made laws. On the contrary, it was the fact that life, liberty and property existed beforehand that caused men to make laws in the first place. You know, I really like this God fellow. Very theatrical, you know. Pestilence here, a little plague there. Omnipotence ... got to get me some of THAT. A girl is much more than she seems She's not a toy by any means Underneath all the make-up and hair There's a tag that says: "Handle with care" A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do . A heart is not a play thing. A heart is not a toy But if you want it broken Just give it to a boy A wise man once said, "I don't know, go ask a woman!" Behind the eye-shadow. And the long brushed hair. There's a sign on our heart. Saying "Handle with Care." Boys are dumb, throw rocks at them. Boys are like a box of chocolates...You never know which one has nuts Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright. Boys are like parking spaces, all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped Boys are not pigs. Pigs are cute, considerate, and caring. Boys aren't stupid, girls are just smarter. Boys suck...especially on days that end with a "y" Busy beautifing myself, it's a girl thing. Coffee, chocolate, and men. Some things are just better rich. Cute enough to make you look twice, Sweet enough but not too nice, A lil crazy but not too wild, The kinda girl that'll make you smile Don't call me princess, don't call me queen, just call me the cutest thing you've ever seen. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful; hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. Don't talk about yourself all the time because we do that when you're gone. Flirting; be back in a few hours. Friends are forever, and Guys are whatever ... But when worse comes to worse ... My GIRLS Come First! Girls are cute. Guys are not. Girls are sweet. Guys just rot. Girls are like butterflies they?re pretty to see and hard to catch. Girls are like phones, they liked to be held, and talked to but if you push the wrong button you will get disconnected. Girls are so cool, that's why when boys look at us they drool. Girls aren't easily amused, that's why I can't sit in front of my computer all day. Girls know everything, boys just don't know it yet. Girls rule while boys drool! Girls were born so boys wouldn't get lonely God made man before women because you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece. God made mud, God made dirt, God made boys so girls can flirt. Guys are like parking spots...All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped. Guys are like public toilets ~~~ They are either taken or full of crap! He broke my heart so I broke his jaw. How pumpkins are like boys; their heads are empty, their brains are mush, and after a few days, they start to smell funny. I am made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I don't need to wear make-up because I have natural beauty. I don't need your attitude... I've got my own. I hate thongs, I mean come on, who needs to floss their ass? I know I'm beautiful but I still need my make-up. I know you think I'm cute, I know you think I'm fine, but like the rest of the guys, take a number and wait in line! I love boys; they're so dumb. I'm a girl and I bite so don't bother me. I'm doing my make-up, I'll be back in a few hours. I'm not a complicated woman; I'm just good at complicating things. I'm sugar and spice and everything nice. You wanna mess with me? Well you best think twice! I'm sweet like sugar, soft like suede, but unlike nintendo, I never get played If you think girls are all for clothes make-up, jewelry and boys, then you're right. If you think I'm hot leave a message. It's a girls world, guys just live in it. It's that time of the month and going online would be the last place i'd want to be right now so if you don't have to worry about maxipads and underwire...... GO TO HELL! Men have feelings too but who really Cares!? Mental anxiety, Mental breakdowns, Menstrual cramps, Menopause... Did you ever notice how all our problems begin with Men? Much money...good boy, no money...good bye My nails are drying so I can't type right now. Never call a boy a pig; you might insult the pig! Real men do laundry. Too bad I haven't found one yet. The only boy who deserves you is the on who thinks he doesn't. There once was a boy who wanted to be really smart. So that night he wished upon a star and in the morning he was a girl. Wait for the boy who will drop everything for you at any time of the day just to see you. Wait for the boy that will make an ordinary moment seem magical. Wait for the boy that you can't help but smile when you see, and when he smiles, you know he needs you. Wait for the boy who will be your best friend. the one who wants to show you off to the world even in your sweats with no make up...but most of all, wait for the boy who will put you in the center of the universe, because he is obviously the center of yours Waiting for the right guy, meanwhile having fun with all the wrong ones. When God made girls He was so proud. When God made boys He was so upset. When God made me He was just showing off!      %n, if I'm an addict, then how come you're IM'ing me? Don't worry, I am visiting a therapy web site for computer addictions... Everyone complains I don't get out enough, well I'm out of this chair right now. BRB Hello %n, at %t on %d something AMAZING happened....... I left the computer!!! "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...", but for now, it is the best of times because I am in temporary bliss. My dream world known as sleep. I leave this on so as to wake up to a message from %n. "No! Put that down! Omg, *crash*, no, that was $100! Not on the couch! No, that's a white couch! No!" In case you can't tell, I'm babysitting. *Screams as the baby threatens me for milk* 1 sheep, 2 sheep, 3 sheep, 4 sheep, Zzzzzzzzzzzzz! 2 out of 3 voices in my head are telling me to go to bed. Even if the voices aren't real, they have some pretty good ideas. 4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep. 54,55,56... Shhh! I'm counting sheep. ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTYVWXYZzzzz... Annoying babies grow into annoying kids, I'm off watching this process. B is for Barely surviving. A is for Always Annoying. B is for Boring late shows. Y is for Yearning for home. S is for Shut up being yelled at kids. I is for Isolating. T is for Time to go home. T is for Tiring. I is for Ignoring the kids. N is for Never fun. G is for GETTING CASH!!!! LOL!!! TTYL!!! Babysitting 101:First step-Get pillow, Second step-place child on pillow, Third Step-place pillow over child, Fourth step-find good book to read, Step Five-sit on child and read book. Thanks for attending my babysitting class. I am now excersising my ways of teaching by practicing the following steps! Babysitting! I'll be back when I finish tying the kids to a chair!! TTYL!! Cleaning up baby throw up. I shouldn't have put that beer in her bottle! oops! Counting sheep, be back in the morning. Doing some quality blanket and pillow bonding time. Don't you just hate it when people leave their away message on when they are sleeping? Dreaming... Please do not disturb. Even superheroes need their sleep. Ever have to babysit an annoying little kid who can't take hint and won't leave you alone...I'm dealing with that right now. Can't talk right now because I'm teaching %n the meaning of the word BABY-SITTING. Everyone thinks I like to sleep. It's not that I like it, I'm just really good at it. Everyone thinks I like to sleep. It's not that I like to sleep, it's just that I don't like to get up. Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite. Goodbye cruel world! ...Until tomorrow morning, that is. Goodnight moon and stars. Goodnight, I 'll see you in my dreams. Hello pillow, have you met my face? Hello... My name is (YOUR NAME HERE) and I'm a sleepaholizzzzzzzz... Heres the scoop, im not here right now because I'm cleaning up poop! The babies are crying and the tots are screaming when the parents see this they'll be STEAMING! Im sposed to be working not talking to you so I'm not here and I'm cleaning up poo! Hey cant talk, I got to little brats on my hand, called my brother and sister! I CANT BELIEVE IM NOT GETTING PAID for THIS! Hi I am sorry but I am babysitting little brats at the momment(ugh) but maybe I will invite you to the party I will be holding at their house once they fall asleep. Hurting...I mean watching the brats from next door...it?s a dirty job but someone has gotta do it. I am a sleepaholic and I am feeding my addiction. I am always confused when people ask me did you sleep good? I always wonder if they want me to say no, I made a few mistakes. I am currently analyzing the patterns of light as they permeate the membranes of my eyelids to learn the meaning of life. I am currently staring at the inside of my eyelids. I am in the middle of a really long blink. Leave a messeage. I can't sleep and I already tried counting sheep,"sigh" I wish I could count past 10. I can't sleep because I'm depressed but I'm depressed beacause I can't sleep. I feel sorry for all of you who take forever to fall asleep. I can do it like a snap! I could even fall asleep right here on the keyb-- ghtufkndyghdhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... I got this disease called sleepiness. I hate my alarm clock... because it works so well. I have a date with my blanket. I know I don't need any more beauty sleep but I'm going to get some more sleep anyways. I know I don't need any more beauty sleep... I just really enjoy sleeping. I never have any time to get any work done... I am taking a nap now, so leave a message. I pulled an all-nighter being awake! Now I'm pulling an all-dayer being asleep! I swear, I'm paying attention to you. The pillow and drool are just here for decoration. I value my sleep, and if you value your life, you'll let me get my rest. I wasn't sleeping... I was just picking up my contacts without any hands. I'll be comfortably unconscious for the next 8 hours. I'm baby sitting twerps right now so you can give me a ringer. You may not be to happy about what I say to you so if you have young people around I would go and buy some ear plugs!!!!! I'm doing first-hand research on energy conservation. I'm sleeping. I'm having a wonderful dream, I'll tell you about it when I wake up. I'm hiding from (DAY OF THE WEEK) under the covers. I'm holding my ear up to my pillow, and closing my eyes to see if I can hear the ocean. I will probably be doing this until morning, so leave a message. I'm in Hell- SAVE ME!!! BBL when I'm done babysitting! I'm in the middle of a really long blink. I'm living the single most horrifying night of my life, little demons are going to torment me with constant howling, and screaming, they will throw strange hanffulls of unknown goop at me and the $600 white sofa. This may also be called 'babysitting' I'm not here right now because I am wacking, I mean....putting my little brother to bed..when no one is home..just him and me..hehehe I'm not yawning I'm just exercising my jaw. I'm off getting tortured, beaten up, pinched, annoyed, whined at, frustrated, and I feel like I'm about to blow. oh, in other words, I'm baby-sitting. I'm off in Alphabet Land catching some Zzzzz's. I'm sitting on a baby...uh oh, it looks flat now... I'm sleeping at the moment... so do the right thing and leave a message. I'm spending some quality time with my pillow. I'm testing out my pillow right now...it's probably going to take awhile so leave a quiet message and I'll get back to you later with the results. I'm trying to use as little energy as possible. I'm sleeping. I've got a date with my pillow. I've got an 8 hour ticket to dream land. I've slipped into a coma, but don't call an ambulance. I'd like to stay like this for at least 8 hours. If I got a dollar for every hour I sleep, then I would be a millionaire. If sleeping paid....Then I would be getting paid right now. If sleeping were a class I'd get an A+. If you are reading this, I am dead... Just kidding, I'm sleeping. But people do die in their sleep. Pleasant dreams! If you need me I'll be sleeping, if you really need me I'll still be sleeping, so leave a message. Insomniacs of the world, goodnight. It is said that you can wake up on the right side of the bed, and you can also wake up on the wrong side of the bed... But what happens when you wake up under your bed? It sucks listening to little whiners, but at least I get payed... It's nap time. Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone. Less talk, more sleep. Lets play a game... hide and go sleep. Losing myself in my thoughts, indulging in the sweetness of dreams, dreading the day to come... My parents are always encouraging me. They say that when you are good at something or have a talent, you should keep practicing so you can get better. I listened to them and am practicing sleeping. Now I lay down in my bed, I pray the Lord protect my head. For if out of my bed I fell, My hea "Don't be shy in life and miss out on opportunities that now you could never have." A dieters worst nightmare...a friend who can eat ANYTHING......and not gain a pound. A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words. Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions. Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits. Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character. Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny. Be concerned about your character and not your reputation, because your character is who you are, and your reputation is just what people think about you. Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. Boy meets Girl...Boy likes Girl, Girl likes Boy, Boy kisses Girl, Girl hates Boy, Boy hates Girl, Girl likes Boy, Boy still hates Girl.... isn't that just my luck?? Common sense is the most uncommon thing in the world. Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. Do you ever get the feeling that life is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes? Don't go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. Don't let the past create the future, let the future erase the past. Don't sleep life away... it doesn't last long anyway. Everyday is a good day, some are just better than others. Everyone has to be something to somebody to be anybody, anybody that tries to be everything to everybody is nothing to anybody. Everyone needs a chance in something, its just that some people need to let that happen. Everyone plans for tommorow, but tommorow is promised to no one. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else Experience is the hardest teacher, it gives you the test first and then the lesson. Find a Penny, pick it up, and all day long you have a penny. but if you find a midget, take it home and invite your friends over. Forget regeret or life is yours to miss, forget loneliness or you'll never get your first kiss. Forget regret or life is yours to miss. Growing old is manditory but growing up well that my friends is optional! Growing old is manditory, growing up is optional. Growing old is manditory...but growing up...well that my friends...is OPTIONAL! I hate my life can I have yours? I hope your life is like toilet paper, long and useful. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke. I'd rather be hated for who I am than to be loved for something I'm not. If a women tells you she's 20 and she looks 16 she's 12, if she tells you she's 26 and looks 26 she's damn near 40. If it's not alright, it's not the end. if life hands you lemons squeeze them into a squirt gun and shoot someone in the eye. If you cannot solve it, it is not a problem - it is reality. If you like a person, and you tell them... they hate you afterwards... if you like a person, and don't tell them, you find out they liked you, and now you lost your chance, and they wonder why I am so confused. It is never tommorrow. It's like a movie except realistic. Learn from your past. Live in the present. Prepare for the future. Learn It From Experience Life in general is a little less interesting than getting stabbed in the eye with a pencil. Life is like a broken pencil - Pointless - Monty Python Life is like a coin, you can spend it any way you want but you can only spend it once. Life is like a pi?ata...Take a chance and wack it! Life is like an ice cream enjoy it before it melts. Life is not like a pencil, if you make a mistake, it can't be erased. Life is more like a pen, you can use white out to cover it up, but you'll always be reminded of the spot where you made a mistake. Life is not measured by the breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away. Life is to short to watch what you eat. Life is too short to just sit around on the computer all day, so what are you doing on the computer? Life Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness..... Doesn't it suck that I have the right to ignore you whenever I want! Live like you're going to die tomorrow, but plan like you're going to live forever. Money doesn't make you rich. Life makes you rich. No one can beat life but every one can live it. Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile. Pain is temporary but glory is forever. See a penny pick it up and all day long you'll have: A penny Smile, because it's easier than explaining why you're so sad. Some complain because roses have thorns but others rejoice because thorns have roses. The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist The only thing that can't be recycled is wasted time. The thing I fear most isn't to die, it's just the opposite, it's to stay alive. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first. The truth is; we hide so we can be found, we walk away to see who will follow, we cry to see who will wipe away our tears and we let our hearts get broken to see who will come and fix it. There are no shortcuts to any place worth going. There are two times I feel stress-- day and night. There is only one world and that is reality. Get used to it. Times change, people and things change, the only difference is we don't want them to. Tommorow is a privilege, so live life today like theres no tomorrow. True friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget. We could all take a lesson from crayons: Some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors; but they all have to learn to live in the same box. We're all the same because we're all different. When I do right, no one ever remembers. When I do wrong, no one ever forgets. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, spit it in, then give it back to life. When life starts out it's like a blank canvas, but as you live your life it is given many new colorful experiences and relationships so by the time you die the canvas is a beautifully colored masterpiece. When the Road gets bumpy..just smile smile smile smile..smile and be happy! Wisdom has two parts: 1. Having a lot to say, and 2. Not saying it. Worry about your character and not your reputation, because your character is who you are, and your reputation is just what people think about you. Yea hello I'm somewhere getting a life instead of sitting here and waiting for people to get on. If you need me, you know the digits peace out~:) You are never fully dressed without a smile. You can hear it in my voice, read it on my face, I'm drowing in memories of the things I can't replace. You have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you got, remember what you had, always forgive, but never forget, learn from your mistakes, but never regret, people change, things go wrong, but just remember life goes on... You may regret what you do, but you'll regret what you don't do even more. ~Many things in life will catch your eye, few will catch your heart~Pursue those!!d would hurt and start to swell. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful castle... Oh forget it, good night. People say "The early bird gets the worm." That's great for the bird but what does that mean for me? What if I'm the worm? I'm busy sleeping in. Reality is losing its appeal so I am going to sleep. Recharging. Right now I'm at the neighbors eating they're food and watchin TV or in other words... I'm babysitting! Screaming..Shouting..Yelling..Fighting..Make it stop! *In other words...I'm babysitting BBL Shhh... I'm sleeping, so please leave a message very quietly. Shhh... I've got insomnia and I'm trying to sleep it off.ALL YOU CAN HOPE FOR IS THE MERCY OF HELL." "I'm ready! I pulled an all-nighter!" "JUST OUR LITTLE JOKE." "Ngk," said Crowley. "Today we will be having a test." "Yeah?" "You studied all night?" "A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." -Ingrid Bergman "At the store, they have one-hundred-percent recycled toilet paper," Marla says. "The worst job in the whole world must be recycling toilet paper." -Fight Club "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." -Miss Piggy "Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." -St. Augustine "Can you hear me now? ...good." - Verison Wireless guy "College is about three things: homework, fun, and sleep...but you can only choose two." "Even the smallest person can change the course of the future" -Galadriel (Lord of the Rings) "Fate only takes you so far, because once you get there, it's up to you to make things happen." -Can't Hardly Wait "For one day the end will come and on that day there will be no pardons" - Krieg Jagd "Hey, don't worry about that. Just consentrate on what you're doin' and put it in the hole." ~ Hoosiers "hunny, whatever your game is, I'll be ready to drop the bomb on you"-Sable "I am not young enough to know everything." - unknown "I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I'm saying." -Oscar Wilde "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." - Britney Spears "I have no regrets. It's the twists and turns and the bumbs and bruses that make us who we are today. So why would you want to regret that?" -Pacey, Dawson's Creek "I need a boy like you like a hole in my head!!" (Dixie Chicks) "I trust everyone...I just don't trust the devil inside of them." "If at first you don't suceed, destroy all evidence that you tried." "If everyone played by all the rules, life would be no fun." "If life gives you lemons, throw them at someone!" -Eminem "If there is nothing to believe in...theres no purpose in life." "If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure"-- Dan Quayle "Kids, you tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is- never try." -Homer Simpson "Never let your schooling interfere with your education." - Mark Twain "Save the Environment...Plant a Bush back in Texas" -- Bumper Sticker "Some guys are like playing with flames you don't want to get to close for the fear of getting burned" -Ali "Some people are alive because it's illegal to kill them" "Son, I'm not going to lie to ya. You're as dumb as a mule & twice as ugly. If a strange man pffers you a ride- I say take it!" -Grandpa Simpson "Spread love everywhere you go: first of all in your own house. Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor... Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting." -Mother Theresa "Take a stand against crime...shoot back." "The greatest thing in life is to love and be loved in return!" Moulin Rouge "The pure and simple truth is rarely ever pure, and never simple." "Those who think they know everything, are very annoying to those of us who do." - Mark Twain "Time changes things." -William A. Keene "to live is to suffer...to survive is to find meaning in the suffering:...DMX "To live would be an awfully big adventure..." - Peter Pan "True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen." -La Rochefoucauld "Truth is the perception of reality, whereas reality is the perception of the truth" ~ Anonymous "Truth, Beauty, Freedom, but above all things, Love" -Moulin Rouge "Try not. Do or do not. There is no try." - Yoda "Vote for pedro!" "We as children of God have been transformed and made anew by the miracle of regeneration."Quote from A Divine Relelation of Heaven by Mary K. Baxter "You don't like your job? There's a support group for that. It's called everyone." --Drew Carey 'When near, make it seem that you are far, when far, that you are near' Sun Tzu *The best gift you can give is a hug: 1 size fits all and nobody ever minds if you return it* - Crowley in conversation with his superiours - Good Omens A girl is much more than she seems, not a toy by any means. Underneath the makeup and hair, there's a sign saying handle with care. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer , but wish we didn't .. Confucius says...Give a penny,Take a penny,But if you need more than 5 pennies,...GET A JOB!!! Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, and don't let people be reckless with yours. Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. - H.L. Mencken Everybody expects tomorrow ... but maybe we shouldn't - Eric Fear is an illusion.. So Face it! M. J. Friends are like elevator buttons, they can either take you up or bring you down, choose wisely. Friends will keep you sane, Love could fill your heart, A lover can warm your bed, But lonely is the soul without a mate. - David Pratt Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day....give a man religion and he will starve to death while praying for a fish Good ... Bad ... I'm the guy with the gun. - Ash - "Army of Darkness" Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up these defenses, you build this whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They do something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own any more. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. not just in the mind. It's a soul hurt, a body hurt, a real gets inside you and rips you apart pain. I hate love. - Neil Gaiman How glorious it is - and also how painful - to be an exception. - Alfred de Musset Humans suffering from a conflict of signals aren't the best people to be holding guns, especially when they've just witnessed a natural childbirth, which definitely looked an un-American way of bringing new citizens into the world. - Good Omens I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man. - Chang-tzu I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's the best they will feel all day. I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. - Woody Allen If you dont know me, you've no right to judge me, I got a good heart, but this heart can get ugly -DMX If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime. - Anonymous If you're going my way, I'll walk with you. IM me if you want I won't respond because Homer Simpson once said, and I Quote "If something's hard to do then its not worth doing" In life, when you fall on your face you are still moving forward. Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get. -Forest Gump Life is like that...sad and blue. When you see the sky raining it's me crying for you. Life... is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctoral gift that no one ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you're stuck with mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there's nothing else to eat while you're watching the game. Sure, once is a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but it's gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. In the end, you are left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts, which, if you are desperate enough to eat, leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper. - Smoking Man Lord, defend me from my friends; I can account for my enemies. - Charles D'Hericault Make your own footsteps..don't follow in others! Momma said life's like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get! Music is the essence of life, life is the essence of music.-Zoolander Never apologize for saying what you feel. It's like apologizing for being real. Never argue with an idiot, they always bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level then beat you with experience. No Man Could Eat 50 Eggs - Tre' Cool On a mission trying to find Mr. Warren G Only the dead have seen the end of war. -Plato Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend, and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read - Groucho Marx Pacifism is objectively pro-Fascist..."he that is not with me is against me." - George Orwell Remember that life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Roads are a suggestion, Marge. Just like pants.- Homer Smile and the world smiles with you, fart and you stand alone. Smile when it lightning's ... because God is taking a picture of you... Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay for a while and leave footprints in our hearts and we are never, ever, the same. ~ Anonymous Someone told me to make up my mind..... its been a while and my lipstick is smudging! Sometimes you gotta let your heart led you even if it is somewhere your not supose to be ~Van Wilder Suicide is man's way of telling god, "You can't fire me, I quit!" The fastest way to succeed is to look as if you're playing by somebody else's rules, while quietly playing by your own. -Michael Konda The key to happiness is self-delusion. Don't think of yourself as an organic pain collector racing toward oblivion. - Scott Adams The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin There is more to life than being really really Ridiculously good looking -Zoolander Thou shalt not steal, rather thou shalt steal with a happy smile. Time waits for no one. We must remember that in time of war what is said on the enemy's side of the front is always propaganda and what is said on our side of the front is truth and righteousness, the cause of humanity and a crusade for peace. - Walter Lippmann When the one you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a tresure! When you were born you were crying and everyone around you was smiling make it through life so that when you die you will be smiling and everyone around you will be crying. woman: "Sir, you are very drunk tonight."man: "Ma'am, you are very ugly tonight, but in the morning I shall be sober...and you will still be ugly!" so im away ~Winston Churchill Women should always wear tight clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns. - Calvin (Bill Watterson) Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like no one's watching, and Laugh like no one's listening. Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards. - Robert Heinlein You only live once . but if you live it right, once is enough. Your not a failure until you refuse to get up.      Shhh... Please type quietly... I'm sleeping. Shhhh quiet. I'm sleeping! Shhhhh, I might be beautiful, but I still need my beauty sleep. Sitting on the baby...uh, I mean babysitting Sleep (n) : the natural periodic suspension of consciousness during which the powers of the body are restored. Sleep (n): A natural periodic state of rest for the mind and body, in which the eyes usually close and consciousness is completely or partially lost, so that there is a decrease in bodily movement and responsiveness to external stimuli. Sleep - It's what I do when I'm not awake. Sleep - The cure for sleepiness. Sleep is actually a good substitute for coffee. Sleep is just a substitute for insufficient caffine. Hey! You aren't cool, unless you pee your pants!" ~Billy Madison "In the shower....Who wants to join in the fun??" "It's OK officer... they didn't drink as much as I did!" "Hey! You aren't cool, unless you pee your pants!" ~Billy Madison 'm in the tub with my lil rubber ducky! *DING DONG*..... Nature calling. *Ring ring ring* Nature's calling,......be back soon! *T*I*N*K*L*E *T*I*N*K*L*E In the toilet .... :)... :HEY GIVE ME SOME PRIVACY!!! 1,2,3, I'm Going Pee So DON'T FRICKING DISTURB ME!!! 1,2,3,4 I'm going potty, so shut the door!! A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W U X Y Z.......what letter is missing....if you guessed P you are right... b/c it is running down my leg....brb ABCDEFG All my turds are chasin me.One is small,one is fat,one got eaten by my cat.ABCDEFG A ll my turds are chasin me. ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO QRSTUVWXYZIf your wondering where the P is... its about to run down my leg in a second. after my 1or so years on this planet i have learned a few things: #girls are btiches and #guys are ass holes. I believe this is a result of A negative feedback mechanism from the ladies. It results in me being an asshole. So I have come about with a way to stop this...Stop Being Bitches...and if you don't believ this will work ladies just try it for a month, no bitchyness at all and bam, their just might be an alright guy hiding in that asshole Anchors Away! Arty Farty had a party,all the farts were there.Tootie Frutty dropped a beauty and they all went out for air!! Be back in a splash ... In the john! Be right back I am feeding the toilet its dinner. Be right back... I would have come up with a more creative away message but I have to pee really badly Bleeding the lizard. Boo!! I scared you I think you pooped your pants!! Now you can wait in line while I poop. Brb, I gotta drop trou and squeze out a Cleavland steamer. Breaking the seal, leave me one. Bringin the Browns to the Superbowl Bud Light Presents: Real American Heroes. Today I salute you Mr./Mrs./Ms. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out actually having a fun college life, you are at home, reading about it on your computer screen. Right mouse click, Get Buddy Info, or the little Info box at the bottom of the Buddy List [whichever is faster]. You have people on that list you haven't talked to in years, but you still loyally read their away messages everyday to see what they are up to [borderline stalking]. So sit back, Marauder of the Mousepad, and don't wander too far from your computer because you never know when someone's away message may change Can't you SEE, that i have to PEE?!?!?! Could you please direct me to the used beer department? I have an oversized load to deliver! Day by day...week by week....right now I gotta go take a leak Death to all alien toasters Diarrhea, diarrhea.... When you're walking in the hall and you feel something fall, diarrhea! diarrhea! When your standing on a ladder and you feel something splatter, diarrhea! Diarrhea! Doctors say that it is good for us to drink 8-10 glasses of water a day. Unfortunately it has its consequences. brb Doctors suggest that you should drink at least 64 oz. of water a day. Being a drone, I make sure to do this. Unfortunately it does have some side effects... Leave a message, I'll be back soon. Doing paper work.. Doing some consulting with my toilet right now. Doing something funky in the bathroom. Don't procrastinate, urinate! Don't settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you can't live without. Don't waste water, shower with a friend. Don't you wish you were my homework so I'd be doing you right now? Dont you hate it when you flush...and that lil pebble of crap comes back up!...WHAT DOES THAT LIL PEBBLE CRAP WANT? Doodie called and now we're having a long conversation in the bathroom. Doody calls. Draining the one-eyed giant. Drop me a message while I drop something in the toilet. Dropin' the kids off at the pool if you get what I'm sayin... Dropping bombs on Toiletville. Dropping of the Cosby Kids Dropping the kid off at the pool, oh wait i think its twins..... ahhhhhhhh Dropping the kids off at the pool. Ever see that movie where the alien breaks through that guys chest? Well that just happened to me...but in my pants Everyone sh*ts. So yup, you guessed it. I'm taking a dump :-) Feeding the toilet some chocolate... Feeding the toilet. Fiber cleans everything but the toilet. Food... it does the body good. Leave me one! Girls were a poor investment. I want my rib back. Giving head be back in 1min. Gone pissin' Gotta go Gotta go Gotta go right now Gotta go Gotta Go......LOOKOUT SHE'S GONNA BLOW!!!! Gotta pee.... Be back in three! Growing a Tail. (Harvey Swanson) Happiness is like peeing on yourself, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth. Have you ever felt what it't like to piss like a race horse? Grab onto my dick real quick and you will! Hear no Evil, See no Evil, Speak no Evil, Sometimes you just gotta take a Shit! hello i want friend ship withh u HELP! I'm trapped in the toilet, I fell in. Can you please help me... Hello... Hello.. Uh-oh i think someone is coming. Help, I'm on the toilet and I'm out of toilet paper. Here I sit broken hearted, tried to shit and only farted. Later on I took a chance......tried to fart and shit my pants. Hey %n, Don't you hate when you are going number 2 and the water splashes up on your butt? well thats whats happening to me at the moment....Splash! Hey a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. and right now this girls gotta do-do... Hey I am relieving myself, I'll be back when its all over. Hey I'm takin a BrB (Bath Room Break)! So sit tight and I'll be right back! Hey right now I'm acting like a dump truck because I'm taking a load off so I'll be back after I'm done takin a dump...brb...:-D Hey, I went to go potty, lol, but if you're one fine lookin' hottie, you stay here. Hfgewhfgsfbnyuk6jr yrnyth jb4th 6t3r tr3gf5r r3vgrftttttttr 43t 56j435gy34b 435gv4y3tg5y4utyueruthevgtu54yyytrtrrim pooping so my typing is a little off Hi this is (your name here)'s bladder, if it weren't for me, (name) would still be here talking to you. Homework...homework... homework... I can't have a life, I have homework! How dry I am, how wet I'll be, if you don't stop, IMing me. You got offline, now I'm heading for the door... oops it's to late...it's on the bathroom floor. How dry I am. How wet I'll be. If I don't find, The bathroom key. How many times do I have to flush before you go away? I am christening the toilet I will be right back! I am currently fixated upon the mystical disappearing water act that the toilet bowl can continuously provide. I am currently relieving the stress that's on my bladder. I am diposing some of my nautral resorces. I am going to the potty so don't leave if your a hottie. I am not here and I have gone to a better place... yep... I'm on the toilet!! I am not here I'm on the potty, but don't leave if you're a hotty. I am on the potty, but don't you leave if you're a HOTTIE! I am probably far away in another land.....or I just might be on the toilet. I am scratching in the litterbox at the moment. I am sorry I am not here right now but I got tired of the prairie dog poking his head in and out. Until further notice the prairie dog is still stuck. I am stranded on toilet island. I am such a generous person that I have desided to share a part of myself with the toilet. I am taking care of some buisness, that just happens to be taken care of in a small room with a tub and toilet. I can't be at the pooter right now cause I'm in the bathroom on the pooper! I got a meeting with Mr. Johnson, be back in minutes. I gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now, I gotta go, gotta go, gotta go!(use the bathroom) I gotta pee like a race horse goin on it's 3rd lap!! be b/k in a jiffy!! I have to go to the bathroom... my back teeth are swimming! I think i'm going to need a plunger!!! Can I borrow yours? I was here, but now I'm gone. Because I went to use the john!! I was sitting here thinking about how fat I've gotten recently. Then I started thinking about exercising. But thinking made me hungry, so I gotta eat! I went to potty land and won't be back for another 10 hours, I hope we can talk later. I went to the bathroom...and I have not figured out how to pull my zipper up yet. I am still working on it... be back later (I hope) I'll be right back, my potty is thirsty. I'll give you one guess about what I'm doing. It involves a #1 and or #2. I'm at the bank making a deposit, no not that kind of bank, I'm on the toilet. I'm at the Log Dropping Ceremonies. I'm delivering a package to the toilet. I'm downloading right now... Literally. I'm draining out my fluids. I'm droppin' the Jeffersons off at the Pool. I'm feeding the bathroom with Chocolate and Mellow Yellow. I'm feeding the potty, please leave a message and I'll get back to you when its full! I'm in a foreign land far far away... Oh wait, this is just the bathroom. I'm in the bathroom right now...Be back in a splash. I'm in the Shower ...stop THINKIN of me Nakie...imma Go put something on....Awwwwww Stop laughing at what I'm wearing. I'm in the tub with my lil rubber ducky! I'm inspecting my log at the moment I'm magically changing the color of my teeth. I'm magically changing the color of the toilet water. I'm magically changing the color of toilet paper. I'm making a deposit to the water bank! get it? I'm making a donation to tha urination station. I'm making soup in the pot! BRB! I'm not as think as I drunk you am. I'm not here but check the bathroom, that's where I found %n last time! I'm not here cause I'm goin #1...or maybe #2, oh GOD I hope its #2, it feels so good when I go 2#. I'm not here right because I'm dropin' a load leave me a message. I'm off to the urination station. I'm on the crapper. Deal with it. I'm on the toilet, pretending to be a fighter pilot dropping bombs into the ocean. I'm prairie doggin' it. Be back in a few hours. I'm puttin' the brown ball through the hoop. I'm slipping and sliding in the shower. I'm stuck in the potty. I'm taking a dump at the moment so if its not to much trouble just dump a message on the screen. I'm taking a pee... Please wait for me... I'm taking a piss right now..but instead of taking it I think I'll leave it.BrB I'm taking a pitstop to the bathroom be back later.. maybe soon maybe a little bit later.. it depends on what I had for dinner.. I dont really remember so... I'll be back when i'm done.. I'm taking a shower now because the neighbors are starting to complain. I'm taking a shower so I smell good for you. I'm taking advantage of indoor plumbing, be back in 2minutes. I'm taking advantage of indoor pluming! I'll be right back! I'm taking the Browns to the Super Bowl, and by the looks of it it is going to be tough. I'm there on the potty and I'm not leaving till it all comes out. I'm trying out my new toilet paper. I'm using the bathroom so leave me alone, if it's an emergency call me on the phone, if it's not just stay right there, hey quit looking it's rude to stare. I'm using the bathroom...well, actually I fell in, but what can you do about a toliet the size of a bath tub oh never mind it IS a bath tub! BRB I'm visiting my friend John who feels a little flushed. I've gone to the most refreshing place in the world...Yup that'd be the bathroom ;-) I've gone to un-retain some water. I've got a booty call...from the toilet, if you know what I mean. I've to run cause I got the runs. If I had a computer in my bathroom, I wouldn't be away right now. If I'm not back in 10 minutes, you better go in the bathroom and yell for me. Who knows, I coulda got flushed down there and wind up in your toilet. If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down. If the world was a toilet, then I'd be sitting on top of the world right now. If u once thought something warm down ur leg was nothing.....and u couldnt figure out wut the hell it was....and .....wait a sec its happening to me right now...brb If you are reading this then that means I have gone to a better place... yep I am on the toilet. If you sprinkle when you tinkle please be neat and wipe the seat! If you tinkle when you sprinkle please be neat and whipe the seat. I'm in the bathroom ... brb If your happy and you know it crap your pants.....oops I meant clap your hands! im in sleep mode...zzz... Im in the crapper!!! bbl im not here now, im off stopping the killer monkey revolt!!!!!! In about 5 minutes I will weigh about 5 pounds less than I do right now. In the bathroom doing my biz ... hit me up. In the shower gettin squeaky clean! It's "Potty Time." It's a truth we must remember, it's a fact as sure as fate. There are some things that can't be hurried and some things that just can't wait. In case you didn't get the message I'm in the bathroom. It's my potty and I'll pee if I want to!!! It's raining! Oh, nevermind that's just the shower. It's that time of the month again.... Shower time in our house! Its that time of the week again.. I'm in the shower. King (or Queen) (your name) is on the throne. Launching a rocketship is like taking a crap, the rocket flies into space, then gets sucked in by a black hole. Lay off me, I'm starving! - Chris Farley Making a sacrifice to the toilet god. Making an offering to the porcelain god. Making Apple Juice the human way :-P. Making big waves in the toilet. Making brownies. Making Hershey Kisses. (Harvey Swanson) Making it rain in Toiletville. Making my bladder flatter. Making My Bladder Gladder :o) Making my bladder gladder, beotch! Making my mouth fresh and so clean. Making waves in the toilet. Man I need to lose weight I am ssssoooo fat that I weigh 55pounds and I am 1and a female .Isn??t that sad but I know you want me don??t worry I am going to the bathroom and will weight 9pounds when I done! maybe something nice, long, hot, and all wet will make me feel better. a shower you sickos Monkey C Monkey Dew Well I don't C But I go Dew Monkey See, monkey do, and I just saw monkey take a poo. My bladder is about to explode! BRB My butt and the toilet are having a serious conversation My constipation medicine has now worn out. Let me sit on the pot for an hour. Be back when I'm not constipated!!! My dad says he needs me in the bathroom to take care of some plumbing issues??whatever that means? My stocks of quilted bathroom tissue are depleated. Come let us journey to the warehouse retailer. My toilet's favorite food is chocolate and right now I'm feeding it some. My toilet's hungry. I'll go feed it some chocolate and lemonade. My tummy's full so I'm emptying it. Nature called...HEY! How did it get my number? O well, brb! Nature is calling....and I'm answering!! Nature's on the phone! Be back in a sec..maybe more.. Negotiating the release of the chocolate hostages. Niagra Falls is calling my name!!! No job is finished until the paperwork is done. In the bathroom, leave me one! O0o0o who lives in a pineapple under the sea?........Spongebob SquarepantsWho left their computer because they had to pee? ...........(your name) Omg I had way way too much coke and well, you can just guess the rest... On the potty, if I'm not back in 5 minutes, I fell in. One turd, two turd, red turd, blue turd!!!! (To Cat in the Hat) Oompa looma doobiti doo... Here'z another riddle for u... What do you get when you bother me? This message saying I had to go pee. Out chasing little boys in the parking lot... be back when i catch one! Out doing some consulting with my toilet right now. Parting with my business. pee (pe), v., peed, peeing, n. Slang. - v.i. 1. to urinate. -n. 2. urine. 3. the act of urinating. [ euphemism for piss] 4. the... You get the idea. Pee is yellow, dooty is brown, when the sewer brakes, its all over the town. Playing with my rubber duckie. I'll be back when I'm all clean. Plop plop fiz fiz oh what a relief it is. Plop plop, fizz fiiz, oh what a relief it is.....in the bathroom. poopin...if you didnt want to know you shouldnt have asked Putting one through the hoop. Reigning on my throne. Ridding myself of internal famine. Riding the porcilien pony. Ring around the toilet, set your butt upon it, here it comes, here it comes, now it all goes down!!:-D Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'd rather be shopping than talk to you. Rub-a dub-dub, there better not be men in my tub. Rub-a-dub-dub, I'm in the tub...maybe even with three men! Seeing if there really are 1000 sheets of toilet paper in each roll. Selecting various food items from our storage for personal consumption. Sh*t happens... aparently It's happening right now. Shower Power! Since I sprinkle when I tinkle, I am being neat and wiping the seat. Singing in the shower. Sittin on the Throne, visiting with the Arch Dook SOMEONE BROKE THE TOILET! Running to 7/11 Sometimes we like it up and down and sometimes we like it back and forth and it only takes about two minutes to do, but it feels great so maybe you should go brush your teeth too. Somewhere over the toilet. Sorry but I am confronting the Pharoe to let my little brown people go...gonna take some hard pushing but i think it will all come out ok in the end! Sorry I am currently downloading to the toilet. Sorry I'm not here at my computer at the present moment, but I am on the toilet. If you would like to come over and bring me some toilet paper that would be greatly appreciated. Sorry, I am gone dropping off some friends at the lake! Sorry... Nature is calling and she's pretty long winded... Splish, splash, I am taking a bath. Swish, swish, goes the pee. Plop, plop, goes the poop. I'm in the bathroom! Taking a pee or maybe a poo,I dont know just what to do,But ill find out when im in there,After I pull down my underwear! Taking the Browns to the Superbowl The average person goes to the bathroom 6 times per day. This is one of those times. The bathroom is a good place to be, When you just drank a gallon of water! The notorious turtle head is a pokin'. Oh wait there he went. The rabbit goes nibble, the cow goes moo, the pig goes oink, and I go poo! There is a place... Like no other place... A place of learning... A place of hope... A place of warmth... A place of security... A place of healing... A place of relaxation... A place of love... And no matter what, a part of you is always left behind. You've guessed it. I'm on the can. This is meI went to peeWEEE! Today we are experiencing some massive yellow rainfall and gigantic brown hail stones. Trying to lose 5 pounds the easy .....I am taking crap be back in a bit!!! Um.. My stomach hurts so I'm freeing the slaves.. leave one ;) Umm.. hello.. can somebody please help me.. HELLO!! I'm stuck in the toilet.. PLEASE, somebody.. Um.. okay I think someone is coming!!! HELPPPP!!! Unloading... Visiting the greatest nation is the world... Urination. Waiting for someone to bring me some toilet paper. Watching my toothbrush make out with my teeth. Watching the fan go round and round and round and round and round and round and......uto I gotta hurl. Well, I will be right back I am gonna go pay the water bill really quick like! Whatever goes in, must come out. 1 cross + 3 nails = 4given 1 Peter 2:3- "...now that you have tasted that the Lord is good."?Kn?w G?D...Cr?v? G?D...??v? G?D? 7 days without prayer makes one weak. A life without God is hardly a life at all. At church, maybe where you should be ya think? B-basic I-instructions B-before L-leaving E-earth Be an organ donor, give your heart to God. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 15:57 Church, it does a soul good. Ding Dong Ding Dong... I hear church bells ringing. No I'm not getting married. I am just at church right now. Every time you say a bitter word Every time something nasty is heard Every time you think something crude Every time someone's being rude If you need something to pull you through Ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?" For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. -John 3:16 Friends don't let friends go to Hell. God always makes you smile cause he believes in you so always make him smile and believe in Him. Got Jesus? Because its Hell without Him! He died for me. I live for Him. He doesn't love us cuz of who we are, He only loves us cuz of who He is. I am at church right now. Unlike you I don't want to be consumed by the flames of Hell. I am so addicted. I started and I can't stop. I think about it every night when I go out. I can't stop doing it. I'm addicted to God! I believe in "The Big Bang Theory" - God said it and BANG, it happened. I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. John 16:7 I'm at God's house. I'm just a nobody telling everybody about somebody that can change anybody! It's not what God can do for you but what you can do for God. Jesus is my homeboy. Jesus is the way to success... Im out..makin him proud! Jesus loves the little children all the little children of the world. red yellow black or white there all precious in his sight. jesus loves the little children of the world!!!!!!!! Jesus Wept You've got mail." Actually you probably don't but I do. Checking my email... If I get one from you, I'll be sure to delete it. Computer: "You've Got Mail!"Blonde goes outside and checks her mailbox.Blonde: "Ugh! Why does it keep saying I have mail when I don't!" Delete, delete, delete... Deleting all my spam. Email, email, I hope it's from a female. Exploring the web....Ahhhhhh, a spider! Flying through Cyber Space. Hello, this is the computer. Here I am ... brain the size of a planet, and what does my owner have me doing? ... taking messages on AIM. Help! I've been caught in this ocean called the world wide web. Hi this is the computer. My user away, but I'm open for suggestions. ;-) I am checking/writing email; if you leave me alone I will send you an email. I am emailing someone, and you could be next. I was having so much fun surfing the web until I fell in, can you throw me a towel? I was too lazy to go to the beach so I'm surfing the web instead. I'm bonding with my computer. I'm busy surfing, if I'm not back in an hour jump in and find me. It's likely that I drowned in the computer while surfing the web. I'm checking my e-mail so if you would like to get my attention then email me. I'm checking my fan mail. I'm currently catching some surf on the web. I'm e-mailing all my friends, if you don't receive an e-mail, it's because your not my friend. I'm in a place far away that never ends and begins everywhere. I'm surfing the web. I'm reading all of my very important emails. I only have 3,876 new messages left, I'll get back to you when I finish. I'm sending emails. Hey, you never know you could be the lucky person. I'm sending messages the old fashioned way. By e-mail. I'm surfing the web looking for something better to do to than talk to you. I'm surfing the web. I'll be back when I wipe out! I'm the spider and I'm on my web having a good time right now. I'm typing right now but I'll be back in an email! If people didn't send me so much junk mail I would be here talking to you. If you think about it, email is more practical than instant messaging, you don't have to be online at the same time as the other person. Is shopping on the internet a sport? It's my way or the internet superhighway. It's tough being so popular, so much email, so little time. Just because we live in a place that has no water surrounding it does not mean we can't surf on our own turf. That's what the internet is for. My email is more important than what you have to say. My email is more important then what you have to say, so don't leave a message. Online, avoiding the real world. (your screen name): Why do they make everything that has to do with girls pink?(%n): That's just one of the great mysteries of the universe!Well, I am out gettin my daily dose of pink stuff, be back lata! leave 'em *~*I aint here so beware cuz i might bite u in yo rear, but when u turn around heck i had ya ear im like mike tyson, drivin around and i aint got no liscense*~* A cow goes moo, a duck goes quack, this chick says brb!! A message a day, keeps me away. :-D Absence make the heart grow fonder...so start getting fonder Are your eyes going, because I think I see weird things, do you?? ???????? Around, well, actually to be specific, I'm under your bed, tryin to figure out a way to get out of your house and not be caught. leave one, well, on second thought, leave one good, so when you kick my butt, I will remember you left a good message for me. As you noticed from the post-it note by my name, I'm away. So why are you reading this if you already know?? Attending %n's funeral. Away, Away, Away, Today! Be like No Doubt... Don't Speak... Cuz I'm like N`Sync... Gone! Can you tell this is an away message? Do not IM me because I have an anger mangement problem right now. If you do you will find me hunting you down and trying to hurt you really bad. Don't you just hate those away messages that people make that don't tell you where they are? Drop me a line but make sure you pick it up and clean it off first EveryOne Has An Away Message...So I Guess I Will Have One Too! Find Something else to do because obviously i have. Finding a pair of shoes...this might take a while Give me a reason to stay and chat or i will go away now gone (gon), adj. 1. departed; left. 2. lost or hopeless. 3. ruined. 5. that has passed away; dead. 6. past 7. weak and... You get the idea. GONE CRAZY BE BACK SOON!!!!!! Gone Crazy. . . back in a few minutes!!!! hello?..... uh hello..... What? Make your font bigger I can't see it....Ohh you wanted to talk to me? Well, as you can see I'm not here right now. So holla back Hey %n !I'm around the house (my house not yours or anyone else's) doing something (anything I want) which is more important than talking to you (yes you, the person that is reading this message right here) Hey %n . I'm away right now. If it's important i'll be back soon. Leave a message after the beep. BbEeEeEeEePpPpPpPp!?!?!?! Hey %n its %t do you know where I am????? Hey (Your Name) is unable to come to the computer right now so leave your name, your phone number, your best friend's phone number, your credit card pin number, a hott guy's name and number, and a 4-7 page essay on why I should get back to you first. !!!!THANKS!!!! Hey I have things to see and people to do so be back later! Hey I'm away from my computer right now, doing better things. So, if you want leave me a message and wait for me to respond or call me, you know my number! Hey I'm away right now...duh!..hence the title "away message"! Hey there %n dont FROWN because I'm gone!! just SMILE cuz I will come back soon just for you!!! Hey ya mammas callin you, or wait maybe she is callin me, brb Hey! Guess where I'm not... Hey, nobody's on so I'm off in Wonderland trying to find friends. Hey, I'm like Alice! Hi %n, (your name's) computer is broken right now. This is the fridge. Now, you can leave a message, but say it slowly, so I can write it on a post-it note and stick it to myself. Hi everyone!I'm out shopping with all of my money right now! NOT! What I have just told you can not be true because I am FLAT BROKE Hi I'm not here right now but if you want to get your lazy but up and use the modern invention called the telephone, CALL ME! Hi this is (your sn). Sorry I am not able to come to the computer right now. If you would like to leave a message then leave it after the beep.Thank you. *BEEP* Hi! I'm helping some aliens save thier planet right now. I'll be back when I'm finished defeating the evil monsters. Hi, I'm sorry im not here right now to take your message. If youd like to leave a message please press 2, then 4, then 345 then type ?.??z-?????????? How come you only talk to me when my away message is on? I am away from my computer right now, but to all my fans who get online with the sole purpose of talking to me, I deeply apologize and regret this grueling situation for the both of us. I am away right now so if you really need me call 1-800-BRB. I am away trying to drown my fish in the dead sea right now. be back as soon as it's dead I am currently alphabetizing my M&M's....I'll get back with you when I am done! I am hiding from my computer right now. I am not getting off until %n signs off!! I am not here right now, but if you yell at your monitor very loudly, I may be able to hear you, and if not, it?s still good therapy... I am out watching an artificial plant grow..... I couldn't think of a good away message so I just stole this one off the internet I don't know where I am. . . but I'm there : D I fell out of my chair. This might take a while.... I hate those people who will search the whole room looking for a remote but are too lazy to get up and change the channel manually. Just as I?m too lazy to get off the couch to talk to you right now. I have a secret to tell you... I'm away from my computer right now. I have an away message up. Think about it. I have places to go ppl to see things to do and unfortunalty no time to talk to %n! sry I left. I don't know where I am. Do you know where I am? Do you know where you are? Are you lost? Did you find you? I found you. You're there at your computer. But I'm not here. So then I guess I'm over there some where. I left. I don't know where I am. Do you know where I am? Do you know where you are? I found you. You're there at your computer. But I'm not. I must be over there somewhere. I love the fishes cause they're so delicious! I'm gone goldfishin! I regret to inform you that I am presently not adjacent to my personal central processing unit. I am currently pondering about the dubiousness?s of our existence. My mind is astray when questioning these inquiries so it would be to your best certainty to leave a communication. This act will most conceivably assure a response on my part. Fittingly, until I venture back to my Pentium processor I ensure that my presence will not be too yearned for. (For you idiots...I?m not here, leave a message) I wanna be like everyone else.....away except my away message is better! BBL I will be back later... at the moment I am walking my fish! I'll be back right after these messages from our sponsers I'll be back when I can get the playdough out of my braces I'll brb I have to actually use my computer for something other than AIM. I'm at the Banana Republic! Askin a sales person for the produce section! leave a message HOLLA! I'm away drowning my fish...I'll be back when I'm done. I'm away from my desk right now. I'm not too far from it though. So if you yell really loud into your monitor I might be able to hear you!...If not, I'll be right back. I'm Away in a far away land somewherez! I'm away now what are your other two wishes? I'm away right now, if I wanted to talk I'd be here, wouldn't I? I'm away right now, searching for my mind. I was told it was lost. I'm away, sorry, I can't please everybody. I'm away. You're aware of this right? I'm away....DUH I'm bored, your boring, so don't leave a message. I'm busy planning to be spontaneous! I'm cute...I'm hot...I have a life, get tha picture???...Just leave a message...ok?! I'm doing this and that at the moment.. I'm kinda indisposed at the moment. I'm knocking on heavens door.. *voice in background* Knocking? You very nearly broke the bloody thing down!! *me* That wasnt my fault!!! It was poor constrution..... I SWEAR!! Dont look at me like that... I'm lost in thought and seeing if it is unfamiliar territory I might be gone for a while. I'm not here.. I have a life. hahah, ok.. that was funny. I'll bbl. I'm not sure why I put this up; Away Messages are useless ppl like %n still IM me. I'm out I'm aboutI'm makin out. So leave me a shout And dont pout I'll get back to you without a doubt I'm out saving the world from people like you. I'm out, I don't know when I'll be back, but if I had to guess, I'd say about 10 minutes from %t I'm playing with the little yellow lines in the middle of the road. I'll be back when I'm done. I'm practicing for the talent show!Not that I have any, but you know... I'm so fine u no the deal.......even ja rule sayz im real.......so leave me a msg. n i'll get back to you lata I'm sorry but the but the person you are talking to has been abducted by the government....he will return shortly. I'm sorry I have died and gone to hell. You can come and visit me if you want. Thanks for stopping by.....bye now. I'm temporarily distracted by a shiny object I'm tryin to find my way to the end of the rainbow I'm trying to break the world record of how many messages I can receive while being away. I'm walking around the world brb in 50 years I'm watchin' da grass grow... I'm watching the thing that shows movies and shows on it. Whats that thing called again?? OH YEAH!! The T.V. bbl. I've gone to find myself, and if I get back before I return, keep me here! If I don't care where I am, why should you? If I were to never come back...would you go out and look for me? If I'm away then why did you IM me??? If I'm Not Back In 5 Mins ... Just Wait Longer If somebody told you that I was just an average kid... Somebody lied. If somebody told you I was away... somebody told you the truth. If you actually IM me because you see a little yellow notepad next to my name...you have a problem If you are my friend hit 1 - If you like me more than a friend hit 2 - If you want my numba one hit 3 - If you want me to talk to you, I'll bbl! Im away from the computer rigt now... so stop IM'ing me or else you will have a whole screen with your own IM's. Im not away right now, I just like the little yellow pad beside my name for looks. Im out..Hit me up on the cell.. but not to hard I dont want you to break it Insanity is a gift some little green men gave me... right now I am trying to give it back It's amazing how away messages become a part of our lives. I'm sure that you saw that little yellow note by my name and decided to read it, expecting to find out just where I am and exactly what I'm doing. But do you REALLY care? Probably not, because how often do you bother to leave me messages when I'm away? So basically, just be satisfied knowing that I'm not anywhere near my computer right now. Ciao. It's getting hot in here....so I am chillin somewhere else! It's raining! It's pouring! You are really boring! So I am gone, but not for long! Don't have a fit! I'll be back in a bit! Just a quick apology for you having to have a one-sided conversation with my computer knock knock; Don't you see the DO NOT DISTURB sign on the door? Let's talk about rights and lefts...you're right, I left. Like awesome! Like WOW! Like I'm not here right now! Like totally, for sure! I just got a manicure. The sun, i swear, its bleaching down my gorgeous hair! 24-34 I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE SCORE! go-go-fight-fight... gee, I hope I look alright! DATE TONIGHT! LEAVE ONE Look...I understand you need to talk to me...and you see I'm away...so I'll tell you this.....THERE'S A NEW INVENTION! IT'S CALLED THE TELEPHONE! YOU SEE I'M AWAY BUT YOU IM ME WTF IS WRONG WITH U?... So any way I'll be back bye! :-) Maybe I'm not here. Maybe I am here, and I'm just waiting to see what you type when you think I'm gone. Maybe this whole away message is just a cruel mind game. Maybe not. ME not here, Me go bye, You leave Message, me Reply My away message is typed here. My Braces Are Stuck To The Carpet...Wait I forgot, I don't have braces! Be right back when I find out why I'm stuck to the carpet. My Father just lost his job, I found out my mother's having an affair, my cat is drooling uncontrollably, and YOU....... %n ............ wonder why I'm not here! My fish drowned, bbl. NO COMMENT Not here, not gonna be here, gone. NOW you come online! Well its too late~ Obviously not here ;)... *munch* *munch* Mi mam meating mome mood might mow, mo moo mould me mise mo mot mahther meh. Mank Moo. *munch* *munch* *munch*munch* I'm eating. Leave a message and I'll talk to you later. *BurP!* A very long time ago, hunger drove man crazy. Today it has driven me away from my computer... Can't talk, I have to masticate. Cleaning out the refrigerator with my mouth. College food....Mmm Mmm PUKE!!! Consuming food. Damn I'm hungarian Did I Eat Today? Did you ever realize that whenever people tell you they are on a diet they are eating or getting ready to eat? Be Right Back, I'm On a Diet.... Directions: Pour milk, Devour, Repeat. (Go ahead, bond with your breakfast) Don't bother me..... I'm eating. Don't let hunger happen to you. Dr. Pepper does make the world taste better! I should know! I just sprinkled some on the floor and BOY does it taste good!!!! eat (Et), v.t. 1. to take into the mouth and swallow for nourishment; chew and swallow (food). 2. to consume gradually; wear away; corrode. 3. to ravage or devastate. 4. to make, as by gnawing... you get the idea, ttyl buh byes Eat Spam Before It Eats YOU... Eating dinner... Leave me something sweet for dessert. Eating is an art and I'm Picasso... Excuse me while I go make a masterpiece. Eating... because fat kids are harder to kidnap. Exercising my taste buds. Expanding my stomach. Experimenting with the stove. Fat people gettin' happy. Feedin my face, But not at this place, Leave a message, Or I will erase! Filling My Tummy With Something Very Yummy... Filling up my tummy. Food is good Food is great Give me food and win a date! Food is good Food is great If you ask I'll save you a plate. Food is like gasoline. People are like cars. Gasoline fuels cars. Food fuels people. I'm refueling right now. Food makes life mmmmm mmmmm better! Food, God's most precious gift to all who love to eat. Food, it does the body good. Food, the finial frontier Food...Git in ma belly! Gettin friendly with Mr. Atkins. I'm eating - Leave me a message! Getting fatter!!haha Getting high on Moutain Dew.....DO THE DEWCaution: THIS WILL MAKE ME EXTREMLY HYPER! God is good, god is great, We thank him for the food, food on our plate, If I don't eat, eat it soon, I'll hit my brother, with a spoon. God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for this food. Gone hungry be back soon! Hey %n.. im away eating breakfast, lunch, or dinner. its %t, your smart, so you can figure out which one it is. Hey I?m eating my food....(Bread and water) that?s all they feed me in this damn place... Be back soon... Don't leave %n! Hey, I just ran out to get something to eat, so wait for me, I'll brb! Hey, I'm cooking right now so if I don't burn down the house I'll be right back. Hey.....Whats your Favorite foodA.PizzaB.Saladc.CerealD.Orange Juice*~If you picked*D* you must be stupid because orange juice is not a food.*Out getting food, later* Hi, I went out to dinner with the fam. Be back in a couple hours. Hunger has driven man to insanity, today it has driven me from my computer. Hunger struck, be back when the fridge is empty. Hungrier than you! Hunting for food. I am at my refrigerating unit... I am away "trying" to cook some food! If I'm not back in 30minutes, dial 911! I am either eating food, staring at food, poking my food, playing with my food, cooking food or throwing food. I am either...eating food, watching food, poking food, playing with my food, staring intently @ my food, shoving things in my mouth (most likely food), throwing food, cooking food, making food, or enjoying food I am hungry but there is no food in this house so I am just gonna eat wut ever is under the compter...mmmmmmmmmmm an old used sock!!!!!!!! I am in the kitchen "trying" to cook...If I do not return in approximently 30 mintues, may your intentions be to call 9-1-1! Thank you! I am not at the computer right now because my fingers too greasy to type with. i am not eating what you think i am eating out a person and that person is not you!!!!!!!! I am not here right now but please leave a message after the my burp.B....U....R....P! I am on a seafood diet right now, when I see food, I eat it. I am replenishing the nutritional supplements my body needs to maintain homeostasis and keep an adequate energy balance. I am single handily trying to free the world of hunger,starting with myself. I can't hear you over my stomach. I can't talk to you when my mouth is full. I could give up on junk food, but I'm not a quitter. I eat therefore I am. I feel like an Ethiopian...so im gonna go eat some food I got the munchies so leave me one. I got the munchies. I got this disease called hunger. I heard my stomach growling and I got scared so I'm giving it what it wants. I know you are dying to talk to me, but I am refueling myself so I will have the energy to listen. I love animals..... With potatoes and brown gravy. I only goo too skool to et mi lunc...sooo aftur 1200 Il bee bak... I smell bacon I smell pork Run little piggy! I have a fork! I want chicken, I want liver , meow mix meow mix please deliver!! I will be back in a bite, opps I mean bit. I wish I had a brown cow so I could make some chocolate milk... I would talk to you but my mom told me never to talk wih my mouth full. i'm a slaaaave for food I'm an evil poptart [::] i'm out collecting sprinkles for my breakfasty self. I'm as hungry as homer on a hunger strike! bbl I'm away eating breakfast, lunch, or dinner. If you're smart, you'll figure out which one it is. I'm away getting fat! the way i see it, if I get fat at least i'm happy! I can eat Whatever I WANT! leave a message I'm away right now stuffing my face...but ohh no, whats this?... my pet bubble just ran away with my food. grrr! I shoulda known he would be trouble. i'll be back when i've finished running the little fartnipper over with my barbie car. I'm doing that thing. You know, the one where you pick the food up, put it in your mouth, swallow it, then repeat the process until the stomach hurts. I'm eating a magical substance that gives me energy and helps to sustain life. I'm eating breakfast, lunch or dinner. If ur smart u'll know which 1 it is!Leave a message and i'll get bac 2 ya! I'm eating food... cause food is good...it gives me energy to do stuff... and stuff is good... so yeah- that's why I eat... I'm eating right now, so please leave a message after the sound of my burp. BUUUURRRRRRPPP! I'm eating the 5th most important meal of the day. I'm eating! Leave me alone! I'm filling my tummy with something yummy.....yum yum yum....be back when it's filled up! I'm getting my tummy refill right now, I will be back when it is full. I'm going to stop the noise that's comming out of my tummy. I'm in the mood for some food. I'm not allowed to eat at my computer. I'm on a quest, it involves me, the kitchen, and possibly some utensils. As you may have guess I'm hungry, and if you try to come in the way of my unlofty goal I will bludgeon you with a blunt object. I'm single-handily trying to free the world of hunger, starting with myself. I'm so hungry I think my stomach is eating itself. I'm stuck in the fridge... But there's no need to send help, there's plenty of food and water in here. I'm stuffing my face. I'm watching a really boring cooking show... Oh wait, that's the microwave. I've got the munchies so I'll be back n* a few! I?m burning down the house, a.k.a: making dinner. If im not back in 5 minutes, then I probably died of starvation. If only men could be as satisfying as chocolate. If there was a god we wouldn't put the refigerator down stairs. If you eat right, exercise, and sleep well, you still die. Therefore I am ignoring all of that and pigging out. If you think about it, you eat to live and you live to eat. If you were food ........ I'd be eating you right now. Im at the Deli...If you want something come and find me. im beginig to look like an ethiopean, only w/ out aids. leave a few while i eat. Im getting something very yummy put into my tummy! ;-) In the mouth and through the gums, watch out tummy here it comes. In the olden days they used to call it supper. It's time for my daily candy hunt....I'll be back soon... AND I WILL FIND SOME! It's true? Dr. Pepper does make the world taste better! I should know! I just sprinkled some on the floor and BOY does it taste good!!!! Kitchen+cooking= dialing 9-1-1 Leave me alone, so what if I masticate all the time. It's natural. Lego my Ego!!!!!!!!I'm eating a waffle stupid! Like most normal people: I am eating food. Like the wild buffalo grazing the midwest plains I too need some food McDonalds Clerk: Welcome to McDonalds. How may I help you? - %n: I'd like a large fry and a coke to go. - McDonalds Clerk: That will be $4.79. Please drive around. MmMmMmMmmm MmMmMmMmMmmmm Grubbin! My dog is growling... I don't have a dog, that's my stomach. My hand is frozen to the hot pockets in the freezer. The ice cube tray must have spilled again. My mom told me never to talk with food in my mouth! ;) My mother told me never to type with my mouth full. My refrigerator is running, so I've gone to catch it! My stomach is calling me to the kitchen. Brb! My stomach is growling and I'm answering. My stomach is talkin... and i'm answerin it! My stomach was crying and grumbling and it was making me guilty so, I went to the fridge to cheer it up. My tumbly is a rumbly. My tummy was growling at me, and I thought it was mad... So I went to go get it some food to cheer it up. OMG, it's a hot... steamy... delicious... sandwich! I'm eating, bbl. Over the lips through the gums look out tummy here it comes. I'm eating, so leave me alone. Popcorn,Candy,Soda n Fries I know I know straight to my thighs Putting some yummy in my tummy. Raiding the fridge. Refueling myself. Rose are red Violets are blue I'd rather be eating Than talk to you Rub a dub dub, I'm cookin' up some grub. Rub a dub dub, I'm gettin some grub. Screw Eating Lucky Charms, I'm Already Magically Delicious! :) Breakfast, bbl. Snack attack! ...friends stab you in the back...boyfriends stab you in the heart...but BEST friends don't carry knives! 100 memories, 200 jokes, 300 great times, 400 secrets... 1 reason -- Best Friends A best friend is like a bra... supportive, close to your heart, and hard to find A circle is round and has no end. That's how long I want to be your friend! A friend is someone who walks in when the whole world walked out, and you just walked in. A friend is the first one to walk in when the world walks out. A good friend will bail you out of jail ---> while a best friend will be right beside you goin' that was freakin awesome A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "That was awsome." Friendship isn't about who you knew the longest, it's about who never left your side. A good friend will pick you up when you fall; but a best friend will help you up, laugh and trip you again. A memory last forever, never does it die. True friends stay together and never say good-bye. A memory lasts 4ever. Never shall it part, A memory stays 4ever, always within the heart A memory lasts forever and never does it die! True friends stay together and never say goodbye! A shoulder to cry on, an ear to bend, money to borrow, clothes to lend, Friday night hangouts, afternoon walks, 2am phone calls, private talks, memories together will never end, always and forever best friends! A true friend reaches out for your hand and ends up touching your heart. All for one, and one for all, that's what friends are for. Always remember to forget, the friends that have failed to be true. And never forget to remember, the friends that have always been true. As long as we have memories yesterday remains, as long as we have hope tomorrow still awaits, as long as we have friendship each day is never a waste... As we go on we remember all the times we had together and as our lives change come what may, but we will still be Friends Forever Cross your heart & hope to die, Clothes, make-up, boys, and lies, Forever there until the end, The definition of...True Best Friends Don't walk behind me...I may not lead.Don't walk in front of me...I may not follow.Walk beside me and be my friend Dreams may change but friends are forever. Forget me not. Forget me never. And we'll be friends. Forever and ever. Friends are like bras: Close to your heart and all about support Friends are like clovers, herd to find and lucky to have. Friends are like gold. Each one is rich and they all last a lifetime. Friends are like stars, they come and go... but the ones that stay are the ones that glow Friends are like stars. Even though you can't always see them, they're always there. Friends are like the oceans waves. The emotions go up and down. Friends are people who you trust friends are people who trust you friends are who everyone should have or at least everyone should have that one special friend and I know that my one special friend is you. Friends are quiet angels that lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. Friends are suppose to trust you with the things they tell you. Then why don't they tell you those things that you are suppose to be trusted with? Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookie of life. Friends are the siblings God never gave us. Friends are what makes the world go round so keep enough to have the circle of life. Friendship is something you don't learn in school, but if you don't know the meaning of friendship you haven't really learned anything Friendships may be like the seasons, blowing hot and cold, ever-changing, but always needed whatever the weather. Good friends are like diamonds, precious and rare. Good friends are like stars. They will always be with you, no matter how far away you may be. Good friends are like stars....You don't always see them, but you know they are always there. Hilarious Days and Crazy Nights Talking about our Boys and pillow fights Through thick and thin and always true Where would I be without you? I am with hanging out with those people who talk to me, play with me and spend time with me. I call them my friends. I believe in angels. The ones God sends from heaven. But I just call them my friends. I live for the nights I'll never remember with the friends I'll never forget. I'll always be beside you until the very end, wiping all your tears away, being your best friend. I'll smile when you smile and feel all the pain you do, and if you cry a single tear I promise you I'll cry too. I'm out with my friends right now, but wait.... If I'm out with my friends and your home talking to me on the computer.... think about that ok? If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I would be at the bottom to catch them. In life there are no strangers... only friends we haven't met. Life comes and goes... some friends stay, some friends friends go, and some become your worst enemies. Make new friends but keep the old ones; one is silver and the other's gold. Making friends takes a moment, but being a friend takes a life time. Mess with my friends you messin with me tryin to touch them then you'll see how fast I'll make your life a livin hell cuz I'd give my life for these girls and take yours as well No matter where you go or what you become never forget your friends. Of all the friends I've ever met, you're the one I won't forget, and if I die before you do, I'll go to heaven and wait for you. On eBay looking for a friend...they have good deals you know! People say that good friends are hard to find, but that's because the best are already mine. Smiles and tears, giggles and laughs, Late night calls, cute photographs, I?ll be there for you till the day of my death, Best gurlz 4ever, till my very last breath Some friends come and some friends go but me and my friends... Our friendships will grow. Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never ever the same. Sometimes I wish I had more friends like %n... don't you? Stay with me, I'll stay with you and we'll be friends, through and through. The best times are when you're with your friends... so stop wasting your time waiting for someone to talk to you and go have fun...with your friends... The only way to have a friend is to be one The sad truth, people with lots of friends are liked the most, but people with no friends...want to be liked the most The worst pain is when someone you know turns into someone you knew. There are no strangers... Only friends we haven't met. True friends are like Chinese take out, they are; depenable, enjoyable, and just a phone call away. True friends are the ones who walk in when the rest of the world walks out! True friends don't stand beside you when things get hard. They carry you because you no longer have the strength to go on and can no longer see the end of the tunnel. True friends grow separately without growing apart. True friends stay together through thick and thin, through all the rumors and the grins, through all the pain and all the tears; true friends are there throughout the years.  I am on a quest to the deepest darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for a may not return alive. You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear. "Dude, where's my car? Where's your car dude? Seriously dude, where's my car? I dunno dude, where's your car? Dude, I think I lost my car, this may take a while!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH dude, ostriches are attacking your car,oh cheeznack get the hell off it you llamas!!!! "today we salute you, stressed out college student during exam week. as you sit in your lonely cubical in the library, doped up on starbucks & aderol, you think to yourself, am i ever going to need to know this sh!t in life? the distractions are tempting and you have suddenly diagnosed yourself with ADD along with advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage, i'm sure by now you know exactly what everyone is doing because you have checked your buddy list 800 times. christmas break is just days away, and your prozac prescription will be in tomorrow. so crack open an ice cold bud light after that last exam, because for most of us, christmas will be spent in rehab..." %n has just recieved the Amish computer virus. Since the Amish do not have computers, it is based strictly on the honor system. Please delete all files on your computer. Thank you for your cooperation. %n My Friend Visited Another Galaxy,and All l Got Was This Away Message !O:-):-D:-P:-D:-P *POOF*^ Just Like that I'm gone ~! 10 Reasons to Date a Hockey Player 1. They always wear protection 2. They have great hands 3. They are used to scoring 4. They have great stamina 5. They find the opening and get it in 6. They never miss the target 7. They know how to use their wood 8. They have long sticks 9.They know when to play rough 10. Because baseball players only know how to hit balls. 668-9911.......... thats the # to my eye doctor's office, because you can't see the YELLOW note pad in front of my s/n 84.1% of all statistics are made up on the spot. :-) :-) I smile because I don't know what's going on :-) :-) ? OuT oF mY mInD! Be BaCk In 5!? A day without sunshine is like... night. A rabbi, a priest, and a duck walked into a bar. The bartender looked up and said, "What is this? A joke?" A rejected invention:Instant water! just add water! A wise monkey never messes with another monkey's monkey. Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! My house is on fire!!! Must....save....computer.... kinda preoccupied at the moment, please leave message, oh yeah, and call 911, must....save......computer...... Ahhh I'm running after the bad guy who took my pack of Skittles..... I worked hard for that pack..... Ahhh he's eating them!!! Now he's throwing them at me.... Call 911!!! Alright 10% done. Now 20. Wow, I can't wait..... Wait it stopped...HEY! Why did you send me a message? I was waiting for that naked picture of Jennifer Lopez ! Am I here? I'm not sure. Leave a message and I might get back to you. An error has occured in trying to IM (your sn) please restart your computer and try again An Error Occurred. File inaccessible Are you aware of the discovery in the human body of a nerve that connects the eyeball to the asshole? It is called the anal optic nerve. It is responsible for giving people a sh*tty outlook on life. If you don't believe me, pulla hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye. Are you mad at me? If not, press Alt+F4. Are you too gullible? We can cure you! Send $1,000 to... At last! My plans for world domination are complete! MAHAHAHAA? Oh look, something shiney? Attention! Attention %n ! This is a National alert. Food was spilled from the cat bowl. We've sent out clean up teams to correct this mess. Hopefully we can do something about it. Before it's too late! Away messages are stupid dont ask me why I have this stupid away message up? Well I dunno give me a good away message and I'll think about putting it up here...i'm wating... Back in my day, we had to walk 5 miles in the snow to tell people we were away from our computers. Be right back, thinking of an away message. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, youre a mile away and you have their shoes. See ya when i get back...... Behold the mighty...chihuahua? Beware of the little green men in pink tights. They run fast and can jump out of nowhere. I am running away from them right now. Bored? Go to bored.com BrB, thinking of an away message. Busy polking my neighbor with a spork. be back soon shes really old and wrinkly this is fun muahahaha Chase a squirrel cause trees need hugs! Checking away messages. It's like stalking, but no one knows you are doing it. I even have people's names on my buddy list that I don't know, but I hear they have really good away messages. Some people really put their all into away messages. There are the people who document their every move: "I am taking a shower, but when I get out, I am going to pee, shave, and then iron my pants. Call me if you need me before I go to the mall at 2pm." Then there's the creative one: "I am away from my computer right now." And of course there's that one from the really cool guy: "Yo its friday night, I am drunk, and not sittin up lookin at away messages" Funny how that guy never seems to go idle. Confusius say: Man who eat jelly beans fart in technicolor Congratulations! You've qualified for the platinum card! To collect your prize please hold the line for the next available operator! CRIPLE FIGHT!!! - South Park Dance my little puppets, Dance! - God Did anyone ever ask you if your fridge was running? Well someone just asked me, and now I'm running down the street trying to catch it. Be back as soon as I catch it and drag it back to my house. :-) Did you hear the joke about the guy who tried messaging %n, but all they got was an away message? Did you hear the story about the guy who tried IMing another person and but all he got was an away message? Did you know by reading this message you have wasted 14 seconds of your life? Do do? do do? do do do do do do do do do do do do - I'm a shark :) Do I know you? Do NoT Type like Tis... It MaKeS you LoOk ReT@RdEd. Do Re Me Beer Dough: The stuff that buys me beer Ray: The guy who sells me beer Me: The one who drinks the beer Far: a long run to get the beer So: .I'll have another beer La: .I'll have another beer Do you have any idea how hard it is to find lumps of partially dissolved cocnut powder in Antarctica? Do you yahoo? I sure as hell don't. -leave a msg Doing something, none of your business, stop IM'ing me!I said stop! Geez, bbl! Don't ever attempt a staring contenst with a brick wall, they cheat a lot Don't hate me cause im beautiful, hate me cause ur boyfriend thinks I am Don't make me mad......I'm known to bite at random!!! Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls. Don't Worry!, I don't know where I am either. Don't you get so annoyed when people leave away messages? I mean, if they're away, why don't they just sign off? Stupid people. Don't you hate it when people leave away messages that don't tell where they are or when they'll be back? Hi, this is No One, and No One is here right now, so No One will be back soon. Don't you love the way when you stop at a red light and it turns green....you just go? Dont trip....Or you'll fall for me! =) Dr. Seuss' lost tounge twister see if you can do this: This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is dumbass cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat. Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top. Betcha you can't resist passing it on. Email me at (email address) while I'm away with all emails including love letters and death threats...why is it I always get more death threats than love letters (c'mon people spread the love) Error 405: Reality.sys corrupted. Universe halted. Reboot (y/n)? Everyone always has those special, thoughtful, crackup, cleaver away messages that make you laugh or think so hard you are tempted to take it and use it for your own. This is mine. Be back later... Feeding my pet old person right now...be back later! Fire ants don't make good pets. If they have a bad day they take it out on you, it's really self centred of them Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster. -Warning label on a fax machine Firstly, I am always right. In the event I'm wrong, see rule one Following the yellow brick road......Damn munchkins! For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view. Gettin arrested, back in a few years Getting a tattoo on my butt that says "I Love %n" Girls are like computers, they like to be turned on!!! Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the net and he won't bother you for weeks. Gone to watch %n through their window. Ground Rules: Don't touch me, Don't stare at me, Don't talk to me Hang on, on the phone to tech support. These guys are so funny - just keep saying, "I'm sorry, I don't understand" and they get really mad :P Has your mind ever just gone blank? Well sometimes that happens to me and...WHAT? What was I talking about? My mind just went blank. Have no fear, I'm not here. Having a staring contest with my wall... *BLINK* "dammit!!!!!" He who laughs last, thinks slowest. Heaven doesn't want me... But Hell's afraid I'll take over! hello %n, im a little busy, if it's an emergency, call 911 Hello little %n. I've got candy if you'll get into my van Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you. Hello, you have reached %n's away message, your message will be answered to in the order in which it was recieved, your message is number 1,645,845 , please hold, your message is important to me. Hello, you have reached the automated answering service for YOUR SCREEN NAME , your message will be answered to in the order in which it was recieved, your message is number 8,243, please hold, your message is important to me. Hello. You have reached The Autopsy-IM. If you are already cut open, Press 1.If you are ordering a new body, Press 2.If you are ordering a cut body, Press 3.If you are picking up a body, Press 4.If you chose none of the options above, please stay on the IM. You will soon be tracked down and picked up in a nice cozy black 'sleeping-bag'.Have a nice day and thank you for choosing Autopsy IM! Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message. Hello. You have reached YOUR SCREEN NAME. If you wish to talk to me, IM me several hundred times until you get a response. HELP ME!!!!! I'M BEING CHASED BY A KILLER AFLAC DUCK. QUACK. HELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP Help! I've fallen and can't reach my mouse! Help!ican'tfindthespacebar Hey %n I am not at my computer right now cause while I was away my computer ran away, so I am chaseing it right now. If you see me go past your house running after a computer, put up this away message and come and help me! hey %n I'm not here right now because my internet got disconnected... hey %n I've got candy. Get into my van. Hey %n! Sorry but I'm kinda busy lookin in your window. Talk to me when I get back to my computer. Hey %n, if I wanted to hear from an asshole right now then I would have farted! Hey everyone, I'm not here right now so if you would leave your reason for IM'ing me when you saw that I had an away message up, I will get back to you as soon as possible... Hey I'll be back in 5 minutes but if I'm not just read this away message again. Hey I'll be back when the time reaches 6:66 not to sure when that will be but I will be back whenever it happens I have been here for 3 days now and still no hope for the time, but I promise i'll be back whenever it reaches 6:66 Hey! What are you looking at? Haven't you ever seen someone pick their nose before? Geez...give me some privacy Hey, did you hear that joke about the cat and the girl ?...... Yeah that was a great joke! Hey, I don't know why this Away Message is on right now I just put it on. Good bye Hey, I'm having a party right now! We have a DJ who rocks the house, a dance floor, plenty of food, and all the kewl people. If you IMing me, obivously you weren't invited! Hey, I'm not here right now but if you see %n, tell them I found their missing underwear Hey, just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I Hey...I'd loved to chat and all, but I'm too busy chasing the furry little men around my room.... Hi, (YOUR NAME HERE) is not here right now, but I'll be happy to provide you with a one sided